My little Lolee girl, my sweet and doting little pet is gone. I am truly heartbroken at losing her. Those who don't have pets or those who aren't "animal people" probably don't understand my grief. This little furry bundle has been following me around for nearly five years, fretting if she looked up and couldn't see me, who got ridiculously excited whenever I walked in the door, and snuggled in between Blake and I in the bed every night. This little dog who loved me unconditionally and looked to me to care for her and in the end I couldn't save her. She got so sick within a few days time, declining significantly with each passing day. The veterinarian diagnosed her with pancreatitis, a heart murmur and she had dangerously high levels in her kidneys, liver and glucose. It was very grim. I took her home and kept her hydrated with Pedialyte in a syringe. She had stopped drinking on her own the day before and was so weak she could barely stand. Whenever she would need to go outside and use the bathroom she would get up and walk to find me. I was so proud of her. She has had potty problems in the past so knowing she was using all of her energy to "hold it" and not have an accident in the house even though she was so sick just breaks my heart. By the next day, her last day, she couldn't even stand long enough to use the bathroom. And still she held it all day. I took her out in the backyard with Blake and Preston while it was so warm and sunny and took some pictures of my sweet girl. By evening she could not breathe well and was getting colder. She tried to get up and move around, probably from discomfort and all I could do was try to help her. I told her how special she was and that I loved her very much. I told her she was such a good girl. I took her up to bed with me around 11:00 p.m. and snuggled her in between Blake and myself. I fell asleep and woke around 1:00 to check on her and she wasn't breathing. I listened to her little chest but it was silent. I pulled her in my lap and could see there was no longer any life left in her. It's a horrible thing to see and I will never forget it. I wrapped her in a towel and just held for a while, not wanting to let her go. I finally laid her in a cat bed we had and tried to sleep for a few hours. Blake got up early that morning and dug her a place to be buried in our backyard. I kept her in the cat bed because she always loved to sleep on comfy pillows and blankets.
Every time I pass by the windows overlooking our backyard I see the fresh dirt where her little grave is and it just plain hurts. I miss her so much. Since I am a stay at home mom I am just so used to having her right beside me all day. She would always bark when someone knocked on the door or rang the doorbell and I still catch myself whipping around to stop a bark whenever I hear a knock at the door. I still look over my shoulder to see if she's following me and I still think every night before I go to bed that I need to let Lola outside to potty. I also still rush to grab food that Preston drops so I can beat Lola to it. She was like a little vacuum. I know all of this is habit and it will eventually fade away but I will always miss her. At the new house she liked to curl up under the big office desk (the previous owners left it for us) and I'm sitting here now typing and wishing she was snuggled up down there by my feet.
Our cat has done his best to make me feel better, snuggling with me more and following me around more. I know he realizes something is wrong. He loved Lola too, would snuggle with her and play with her all the time. One of the hardest things now is listening to Preston ask about her. It's been one week ago tonight since she passed and up until yesterday he has only mentioned her a handful of times. But all day yesterday and today he has asked about Lola continuously. He holds his hands up and says "Lola?" and I have to tell him that Lola went bye-bye and he says "oh". Today I took him to my parents house and he wanted to feed my mom's dogs. He went to the pantry and saw Lola's food bin that I had given to my mom for her dogs. Mom said he got so excited, running through the house calling for Lola. It's like it dawned on him that Lola must be at their house since we had told him she went bye-bye. Then my brother and sister-in-law came to our house tonight and when they walked in he started asking them "Lola? Lola?" It's like he thinks someone has her and so he's going to ask everyone now. I just hate that I can't explain it to him. He has no way to grasp it. He loves her so much and she was always so patient with him, putting up with tugging and pulling and squealing. I'm so glad he had her, even if it was for a short time. The morning we buried Lola he was still asleep but woke up about 30 minutes afterwards. I went to his room and opened his curtains and blinds which overlooks the backyard. He went straight to the window and looked out and said "Lola". It was the strangest thing because he knows that Lola is always inside unless we are out there. It's like he knew in some way that she was out there.
I wanted to get some of this off my chest and down "in writing" as some sort of relief. I also wanted to share some of her little habits and funny things so I don't ever forget them. For my birthday, June 4, 2007, Blake came home carrying his golf bag in the house. He asked me to get a golf ball out of the side pocket (which I thought kind of strange) and when I opened the pocket this tiny little fur ball wriggled out. She was absolutely adorable. I fell in love immediately. Anyone who met Lola knew she liked food because she was definitely overweight. I called her a little piggy because she would grunt and snort like a pig sometimes when she slept. She would eat almost anything if given the opportunity. We never gave out table food to her but she would be sneaky sometimes and manage it on her own...or with the help of Preston. We were working on her weight issue and she began to lose weight rapidly in the last few weeks before she got sick. I stupidly thought it was attributed to the stairs in the new house but it was probably just an early symptom of her illness. She had lost 7 of her 22 pound frame when she died. I couldn't believe it. One thing I wish I had on video was the little "train" that happened when Preston would have a snack, usually goldfish. Preston would run with his cup of goldfish chasing the cat and Lola would be chasing Preston hoping he dropped a goldfish in the process. So the cat would come running by followed by Preston squealing and then Lola right behind him. It was hilarious. I don't know if it was some kind of little dog syndrome but Lola has never liked strangers and barking was her defense of choice. She was territorial at home and at my parents house but she wouldn't bark if she was anywhere else. Whenever we drove to my parents house she would either sense or smell when we were close to the neighborhood because she would wake from her snooze in the passenger seat and go berserk with excitement. She loved my parents. Her groomer always went on and on how sweet she was and how she never tried to snap at them or anything. She truly was a sweet girl. She just had a bad reputation because of that bark. It's so strange to think I won't ever hear it again, or her little pig snort. She had the softest little head and ears and to think about not ever petting her again makes me want to cry. She was my first dog of my own and first little dog in my lifetime. We always had big outdoor dogs growing up. I have never lost a pet that was so close to me. And it's hard. Have I mentioned that? Thankfully, we have had to stay busy at the new house getting things settled and ready for when Ella gets here. I'm sad that she won't ever know Lola. I'm getting better as the days go on but I still have my moments when I have to just cry it out. It's all a huge adjustment for me but I will be okay. Just taking it one day at a time.
I have several pictures of my girl from puppyhood to recently that I wanted to share. If you made it to the end of my post, thank you. She was definitely worth blogging about and very special to me.
I love you, Lola girl
Baby Lola
Buddies
Halloween Bunko one year. Lola and I won Best Costume
Her first haircut
Sunbathing with her brother
She loved to snuggle with us
My girl's last day
Preston checking on her. He loved her so much
My sweet girl
I will always miss you, Lola.
